I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
