Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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