Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize