i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
