thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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