Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
be right there i have to get my cape
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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