I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
