3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
