Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
