glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
