then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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