i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Randomize
