Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
