Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
