I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Randomize
