Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
im holly from the hills drunk
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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