Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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