In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
