This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
this beer tastes like vomit already
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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