so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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