you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
