You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
