Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
His hands were made for my vagina.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize