i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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