i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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