Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
