I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
