One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
even my farts smell like vagina
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize