come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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