whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
