Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
