then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He felt like a one man threesome
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
