Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize