He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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