just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize