Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
