i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize