Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
