Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
