Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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