Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
