he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
