im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
