Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
