Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
