..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
