cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
