So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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