I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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