If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
