well I can't set my house on fire every night
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
