If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize