i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
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