Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I think I won the penis lottery.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
