i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
i believe in u and ur pee
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
