I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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