I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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