I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
