I'm drive I can fine osifer
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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