do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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