Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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