dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize