We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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