Will you blow on my dice?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
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