I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
