So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Randomize
