this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
