Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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