Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Randomize
