We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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