Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
