No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
