I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
