He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
