Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
