Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
My pussy is not your playground.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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