I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
